Raaaaaaaawr!!!!!!! I'm a raptor.

Nah, not a raptor. Just a Sarah. Although, it'd be so much fun to be a raptor. Rawr.

I'm watching Back to the Future. It's a pretty dang good movie, save the language... and I'm sick. Gr.

Lots o' stuff has been happening... lemme shee...
Last Friday I got a straightener! Yay!
Last Saturday I got to visit the MacQ's! Yay! 'Cept now Lachlan's graduating... *tears*
Last Sunday... I went to church? That's about it...
Last Monday.... I don't remember what I did. Nor Tuesday... or pretty much the rest of the week...
On Friday I went swimming in Independence lake, then canoing with a bunch of Explorers people and got super tan... hrm. Then we went back to Kitty's house and watched Hoodwinked. That was fun. :)
Yesterday I saw Up. That was good. It was really cute.
They're making a new Disney Princess movie about the Princess and the frog. It's set in New Orleans, or something.
Today I went to Living Word.... and got bonked on the head with a lemonade top... >.< Stupid wind........

I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. I feel like a jumbled up mess. Everything is... I just don't know. Arg, this is frustrating.

Ah, fine. Well, in other news, I'm not very fond of Ohio right now.

Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~

2 months and a day

Hm... I haven't posted much... so!
Let's see... I'm not going to tell you what 2 months and a day ago was, because I like it secret. I'm just going to torment you with what it is, and what only I (and probably only one other person) knows about. Heehee!
I'm so mean...

So... lately I've been kinda down... this shaky thing has been happening quite a bit. I've gotten lots of prayers, so hopefully it won't happen tomorrow.

My sister is a point of worry for me and my friend. Grump. I wish it weren't so. It makes us kinda... weird. Although, I suppose we were that since like... birth. hehehe.

Hm.................. What else has been happening? Not much. The weather still continues charming... *laugh*
Sorry, I will randomly quote plays, movies, books, lots o' stuffs.

My sister is watching Curious George. Different than the previous sister.

I have to finish a book. I wish Explorers would be now instead of after summer. Summer is so boring!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH *goes insane...r*

I'm done now.

Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~

I've been bad... and somewhat dumb

I suppose I should apologize. I'm letting lots of people down. I'm sorry if I let you down...

I don't plan. I do so much stuff, and never have any time for anything else. If you've seen my calendar, you know I'm swamped. Or have been for the past... three months.

I... don't really have anything to say today... other than I didn't go to school... and it ends TOMORROW! YESSSSS!

So yeah...
Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~

Masks

I was thinkin'... We all wear masks, yeah? I mean, come on. You can't deny it. We have a different mask for different people. Or, at least, I do.
Happy - This is the one that hides the pain.
Laughing - This is the one that hides the sadness.
Pretty - This is the one that hides the true beauty.
Sadness - This is the one that hides the brokenness and depression.
Complaint - This is the one that hides the need for love.
Clingy - This is the one that hides the need for attention.
I use them all to get attention. I use them all when I'm around friends. I use them when I'm around certain people. Sometimes I wear more than one at a time. I use them to hide myself. I'm afraid. Afraid of what could happen. Afraid of what has happened. Afraid of things I needn't be afraid of. Afraid of my friends. Afraid of opinions. Afraid of strangers. Afraid of God. Afraid of pain. Afraid of fear. Fear is weakness. Weakness is one of the worst things for me. Not physical weakness, although there's some of that, but emotional, spiritual, and psychological weakness. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I don't like surrendering. I'm a stubborn person. If you see me wear a mask, ask me to take it off. If I say I'm not wearing one, make me tell the truth. If I say I am, believe me.
If I refuse, make me. If I'm happy, ask what hurts. If I'm laughing, ask what's wrong. If I wear something fancy, or have a lot of make-up, remind me I'm beautiful. If I'm sad, give me a hug. If I complain, tell me to shush and remind me that people care. If I'm clingy, push me off and remind me people will see me. Please. If I'm hurt, I'll forget it in a week. I don't hold grudges. At least, not many. ^-^

Hugs and Kisses, please.
~Sarah~

Sorry.

Lately I've been feeling apathetic and depressed. If I act like I don't care, it's not because I don't like you, or I just don't care. I'm just kinda... down right now. Sorry.

Why Don't You Hate Me?

I'm letting everybody down. Everybody I love. I'm failing miserably at almost everything I try. I do too much. I'm too stressed. I can't let it out to the people I need to. I can talk to people about it. I just cover it up, because I don't want anyone to know my troubles. I need to come out in the open. Stop wearing my happy mask. I'm broken. I'm torn. I just want to give up. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to go into a deep sleep. No dreams. No nightmares. Just darkness. I don't want darkness though. I've been down that road, and it tore me to shreds. I want to be in nothingness. I want to be nothingness. Why don't you hate me? Why don't you just leave me alone? Why don't you just forget about me and go on with your life? Will your life change if I leave? Will your life change if I die? Will anybody's life be any different without me??? Why do you care? Why should I keep going? All I live for is my own selfish reasons. All I keep going for is so I won't let anybody else down. So nobody will think I'm a failure. I am a failure. All I do is whine and cry. What worth do I have? Why do you love me?

Uhms.

I'm not gonna post a lot.

We played for graduation today. Very uneventful. I knew like, 5 people graduating. Very boring.
Recital was tomorrow. That was very eventful! There were a bajillion of us crammed in a tiny room. Lee and Jim kept trying and failing to tickle me. It don't, won't, and will never work. Then, during Bolero, the performance, Allie popped a ligament in her ankle. She wasn't able to do the rest of the show. That was sad. My variation went totally awesome. I made people cry. *smile*
I did the Dying Swan, by the way, so crying is good.

Uhm............ das ist alles.
Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~

P.S. I can't type today.
P.P.S. Wait... wait... was tomorrow?!? WOW SARAH! Was yesterday!
P.P.P.S. I feel like Gandalf. And here's a quote. “The heart is constituted such that the only way to dispossess it of an old affection is by the expulsive power of a new one..." ~ Thomas Chalmers

Fünfundsechzig

Dun dun dun! That means 65 in German.
SO! (Said like zo)
Uhm... as you can tell, I'm really random today. I'll try to stay on track, but I highly doubt that will happen.
Today is Lydia's birthday party AKA Sarah is going to die day. I also have a 2 hour rehearsal. I need to sew the straps onto the swan tutu still..... >.<
What else.......
I dunno. Uhm. I'm waiting for a call............ CALL ME! Wait... you don't even read this. Uhm. That's it, I think.
Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~

Okay, I lied

Fear? Pah. I'm not afraid of anything.
This is what I say. Yeah right. God reminded me that I'm only human yesterday. I have a bajillion fears. Natural and supernatural, as weird as that sounds. Yesterday, I was at the Lifeteen Prayer meeting. I went up on the altar and was just asking for peace. There was someone praying over me. All of a sudden, a shiver runs through my body. I don't think about it, but it happens again after about two minutes. They get more and more frequent. After about 10 minutes of sitting up there praying, shuddering, and my sister and Jalen coming to pray over me, I get slain in the Spirit. It was cool. I was just laying there, totally conscious, looking around, then I shudder again. And again. And again. They got really bad. I was really scared. I could control my body. I could look around. I could talk. But every time I did, I would shudder. I was so terrified. I start whimpering each time I convulse. After about 5 minutes of that I start screaming in terror. I don't know what I was afraid of. I was just afraid. I was covering my face, screaming, crying, I couldn't hold back. I started lashing back and forth. I held onto my friend's hand for dear life. Then Brad (one of the core leader guys/prayer dudes/head honcho) and his friend Erika brought me outside. We walked around and I felt a lot better.
After the prayer meeting I talked with Brad. He said it was either Jesus doing something in me, or a minor attack. From what I was experiencing, I'm pretty sure it was an attack. But he said since the warm room, all the people around me, girl roller coater emotions, etc. the experience was intensified, and I got freaked out.
If that ever happens again, what I really need is someone to hold me, and calm me down. Oh my goodness, it was so scary.

Mulan ~ that went really well. The Mushu's Chorus was really fun (right Liv?) except one of the performances, the staples on my fan got stuck to my shirt, then my pants... and dropped. >.<**
Uhm......... nothing really exciting happened.... 'cept I made new friends. Wewt. Brandon, Amie, Gretchen... and that's it. Well... friends who will actually remember me.

The Importance of Being Earnest ~ that went really well too. Friday we had an awesome audience, 'cept I blanked during the first scene. I was good through the rest though. Saturday our audience was okay. They laughed at random parts though...... I totally forgot the 'is Miss Cardew connected with the blahdeeblah...' line though... *tear*

That's about all I have right now..............
Oh, I had a weird dream last night... >.< It was... interesting, to say the least.

Hugs and Kisses,
~Sarah~

Here's for you, Spence

Jeez... I write your name on the board... I make posts just for you... I'm like a servant or something! *smile*
Anywho. Summary of the past three weeks... Extravaganza, Tech week for Mulan, Mulan, Tech week for Earnest, Earnest. Today. Tomorrow - German test I haven't studied for.
I will make more detailed accounts of these things tomorrow or some other time, but I have need of sleep. So!
Nighty night,
Hugs and Kisses
~Sarah~