The Breaking Point

Don't hate yourself for being inadequate.

Don't hate yourself for being good enough.

Don't hate yourself for failing.

Don't hate yourself for succeeding.

Don't hate yourself for not being as good as that guy.

Don't hate yourself for being better than the rest.

Don't hate yourself for doing something you know is wrong.

Don't hate yourself for doing what you knew was right.

Don't hate yourself for being happy.

Don't hate yourself for being sad.

Don't hate yourself for crying.

Don't hate yourself for laughing.

Don't hate yourself for hurting others.

Don't hate yourself for hurting yourself.

Don't hate yourself for restricting.

Don't hate yourself for relenting.

Don't hate yourself for giving up.

Don't hate yourself for pushing on.

Don't hate yourself for falling.

Don't hate yourself for standing up.

Because you will be inadequate.

Because you will be good enough.

Because you will fail.

Because you will succeed.

Because you will not be as good as that guy.

Because you will be better than the rest.

Because you will do something you know is wrong.

Because you will do what you know is right.

Because you will be happy.

Because you will be sad.

Because you will cry.

Because you will laugh.

Because you will hurt others.

Because you will hurt yourself.

Because you will restrict.

Because you will relent.

Because you will give up.

Because you will push on.

Because you will fall.

Because you will stand up.

I am human and I mess up. I'm a perfectionist who hates doing things wrong. I need to be perfect. This means doing everything without trouble, being in control of who I am, knowing what I'm doing in life, looking good, eating well, being strong, being helpful, being a good friend, etc. I know I mess up. When I mess up I get depressed or annoyed with myself. But it's self-destructive. It hurts me.

I'm also good at a lot of things. And when I do things right, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to do it right. I've failed so many times before that I couldn't have possibly succeeded this time. But that's also self-destructive. Thinking like that, constantly tearing yourself down to make yourself better, hurts like crazy. 

There's a point you have to be broken to, and you reach that by your failures, by your imperfections, by letting people down. But realize that there is a point that you need to start being built back up again. There is a proverbial rock bottom where, at that point, you will break. You will shatter in to a thousand pieces. Don't constantly keep yourself hitting that point. Build yourself back up again. And get help. Because there is no way a building can build itself back up. And there is definitely no way something as complicated as a human with emotions and feelings can build back up alone.

"Ya did good, kid."

Psalm 43:5

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Love,
Sarah @)~

Ask First

You know what sucks? Being wrongly accused. And I don't just mean crimes you didn't commit, I mean the little things, too. The other day I followed someone's instructions to the T, but it turned out they told me the wrong thing, and I got blamed for it. It just makes you feel really undervalued and untrustworthy. I'm sorry that something bad happened to you, but please, direct the blame where it rightfully belongs.
I know what I'm supposed to do, and I know what I'm not supposed to do. For the most part, I do what I should and don't do what I shouldn't. I mean, I mess up sometimes, but what can I say - I'm human. Yeah, blaming me for the little screw ups that I didn't make is wrong, but I'll get over it pretty quick.
But don't stand there and tell me that I made a major mess. This is something that really irritates me. If you're going to accuse me, or anyone for that matter, about something, have solid evidence. Have a good argument. And for heaven's sake, come and ask me if I did it first! Don't start rumors, don't tell everyone I did some terrible thing I didn't do without telling me to my face. If I did it, I'm not going to lie.
That's what bothers me the most - when someone goes and spreads rumors without even trying all that hard to find the truth. Before I tell someone something concretely, I'm going to make sure it's true. I might say, "it could be" or "it might be" but I'm not going to say "it is" without knowing absolutely sure that it is.
Please, for the sake of the one who potentially wronged you, ask them first. Because one of the worst feelings in the world is having people talk behind your back, and even in front of your face, saying things that are completely untrue and being unable to do anything about it.

Go ask if it's true.

Love,
Sarah @)~