What have I been thinking about?

What should I write about? I'm in a writey sort of mood, but I don't really have any concrete ideas. I suppose this will just be a word vomit entry. I hate that word…vomit. It's a disgusting word. Though that probably has something to do with my nausea-phobia.

What have I been thinking about lately? Dance, of course, that's always on my mind. I dance if there's open space. I dance if there's an even floor. So perhaps dance isn't always on my mind, but always in my body. It's not a particularly conscious thought; I don't think, "Oh, what a lovely open space, shall I dance?" I just see a space and turn. I hear music and sometimes don't realize my leg is moving or I'm tapping my fingers. It's a subconscious decision to move. Is that what a passion should be? It's simply something I do. Dance is breathing for me.

What else? Friendships. I have lots of friends at school, now. I have my different groups with whom I do different activities. Each group has it's peculiar oddities, things I love about them, things that are just weird. It's kind of strange not having a particular person that I'm around all the time, since most of high school was like that for me. I also have a lot more diverse friend groups now. In high school I was always with the same people all the time. Other than that, I was kind of a loner. It wasn't a looking-for-pity thing; I just didn't have all that many friends. I'm sure being in the whole homeschooling environment had something to do with it. I wasn't immersed in a diverse pool of hundreds of people every day. I'm quite thankful for that, actually. It's just a big transition going from that to college.

Guys, as well, are usually on my mind. What does that say about me, I wonder… I guess it makes sense that I miss that kind of attention. Both junior and senior year I was involved with someone. Again, it's a transition. Something I'm very used to changing completely. In some ways, it's really great. At the same time, though, I miss the special attention I got. Maybe I'm just selfish. Scratch that, I'm selfish. Time again to learn how to pay attention to other people. This really is going to take a while.

These are usually on my mind in some form or another. Unfortunately a lot of the time I become distracted by them. We're supposed to be meditating for Psych everyday, but a lot of the time I find my mind wandering to a dance or a particular person or situation. Even when I'm doing homework, I catch myself rabbit trailing into random thought. I can modify these thoughts to useful purposes, too, though. For example, I usually have a really hard time falling asleep, but if I focus on some choreography or someone who relaxes me, then I can fall asleep fairly easily, regardless of light or noises in the room.

The moral of the story? Well for me: Distractions can be good sometimes and I need to be less selfish.

Love,
Sarah @)~