How did we get here?

The inspiration for the title of the blog (or new title, if you've read this before) is Paramore's song, "Decode." Yes, it's a theme song for Twilight. No, I don't like those movies. Yes, I have read all the books. If you want my opinion on them, just ask. I was listening to this song yesterday and realized that it really does relate to my current situation. "How did we get here? I used to know you so well." That's me. I used to know myself so well. I knew exactly what I would do and exactly how I would do it. Now it just seems like I'm playing everything by ear. I improvise, go day by day, take one thing at a time. It's more fun that way, as well as way less stress. Stress is just not my thing.
I remember during high school, especially junior and senior year I would break down a lot. About once every two months or so I'd have a day where I would just refuse to anything whatsoever. I wouldn't go anywhere, I wouldn't do anything. I'd lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. I simply couldn't go on. However, that's hardly an option now. I have to go to class; I learn so much in each class that I just can't afford to miss one. I have to go to ballet; I'm Clara and have the obligation to be the absolute best I can be. I have responsibilities like money, food, and clothes. I have to make sure I eat everyday, which is difficult for me because I'm thrifty. If I can skimp on a meal and save a few bucks, I will, regardless of what it does to my body. I've actually lost probably five pounds since I started school, but I'm not sure if that's from walking a lot, or eating healthier, or just eating less. Probably a combination of the three. Either way, I'm learning to take care of myself. I have to set up appointments by myself!! I really dislike talking to adults, especially teachers, and plenty of people will attest to my shyness when it comes to responsible-type things. When it comes to dealing with conflicts among peers, I'm pretty good at that. I can handle my friends' problems and help them work out things between themselves. However, give me a phone and tell me to order a pizza and I will give you the dirtiest look and any excuse I can think of. Maybe it's my fear of failure, but that's a long story that I may or may not elaborate on.
My roommate just turned eighteen, and one of her friend's gave her a picture frame with a quote in it. It says, "Slow down, calm down, don't worry, don't hurry, trust the process." Taking things one step at a time is important. Take this Japanese class for example: it's ten credits, about 14 hours of class/conversation a week and at least the same about of homework. It's a big deal. If I look at the whole thing I think, "Holy crap, I'm never going to make it through this. I'm going to fail this class." But if I take it one assignment at a time, I can do it. Yeah, no problem, I can do a page of workbook today. I can write a paragraph today. Take on the vocabulary slowly and steadily and, psh, this is baby stuff. But, good heavens, it's a lot of work.
Take things a step at a time. Take time to breathe. Take time to relax. Take time to have fun! All work and no play makes for very grumpy people.

Love,
Sarah @)~

And this is what it all comes down to...

I really don't know what to say at this point.
I think I'm still in shock.
I'm not sure it this will really ever sink in.
These next two months will probably just go by like a dream.
At least, I hope they do.
We'll see.

Hey little girl with the pressures of the world on your shoulders, don't say that it's over. I heard your prayers, just cast your cares and I'll be there, so don't you fear.
~Irene by TobyMac

Love,
Sarah @)~

I'm back!

After two and a half months on Tumblr, I really like Blogspot better… So here I am again.
Surprisingly, I haven't lost any followers… Wow.

First off, I'm in the midst of a 3OH!3 obsession right now. I absolutely love their music, but their lyrics are less than stellar. Quite a bit of language and inappropriate content, so if you can't handle that, you probably shouldn't listen to it. However, they make all their music on the computer, and it's pretty sweet. You could listen to Beaumont or Tapp, those are just instrumental pieces. Love.

Secondly - well, right now my life is a tangled ball of yarn, wrapped up in impossible knots and coated with the stickiest tree sap you could imagine. In other words, I'm stressed.
I'm have a lot of trouble in school, but that's fairly usual for me. It's not that I'm a bad student, I actually get really high grades, considering, but I'm pretty bad at time management and knowing when to say no to extracurricular things.
I'm still dancing ten hours a week, which will soon be more. AH! SO EXCITED! I got cast as Mina in a Dracula pas de deux AND I get to dance with the best partner I personally know. Happy face :]
I have a violin thing on Sunday, so I have to practice my violin for the first time in… well, a long time. Now I'm in the negative time slot on my calendar…
I'm also working on Once Upon A Mattress…
I'm really bad at this time thing.

Then in addition to the whole less than enough time deal, I'm being a…well, a not so great friend.
Le sigh. (It's French for "the sigh")
I should work on that… Although for the time being, I think it's settled down… I hope…

Just checking back in here. I'll definitely be posting some more, but I'm not exactly sure how much. Also, the posts probably won't be any that much longer than this… And the longest will be worth reading, I promise! There just won't be many of those.

Love,
Sarah @)~

P.S. What should I post about? Assuming someone reads this every once in a blue moon…