I'm stressed.

Do you ever feel like you have something you need to get off your chest, but you can't quite figure out what exactly is weighing you down so much? Today, I just want to write. I'm feeling inspired. I'm not feeling inspired about anything in particular, though. We'll see what comes out of this.

Lately I've been really stressed with school, ballet, life decisions, things like that. Unfortunately, all this is taking a toll on me. I've been irritable and somewhat depressed for the past week, and it's getting harder and harder to keep my frustration to myself and not lash out at other people. I don't want to be the person who just gets angry at the world because they're upset. It's not your friend's fault, why are you yelling at him? It's not your sister's fault, why are you hitting her? It's not your parents' fault, why are you disrespecting them? Keeping your emotions in check is one of the most important things you will ever learn.
When I was in late elementary and early middle school, I had the worst temper. I would scream and cry and kick everyday. Eventually I had to go on medication. This is something I would never wish on anyone. Having to take medication at age 12 is not something I look back on with fond memories. Those were some of the hardest times for me, which sounds really cliché, but I'm okay with it.
Nowadays if I had that temper, it would be absolutely unacceptable. I would have no friends. In fact, during that time, I had one friend. Keeping my temper in check, even when I'm fed up with calculus or the girl in my class who's talking my ear off, is something I need to do and will always need to do.

Love,
Sarah @)~

Here's a turn of events

I really haven't been able to write anything worthy of being read lately. Here's something that might be a little hard to follow.

First semester of college is mostly a success. Performed as Clara in the Nutcracker, kept my 4.0, made lots of friends, and started dating an amazing guy. All in all, a good semester. There were definitely terrible moments, amazing moments, drama moments, perfect moments, and just plain weird moments. It was so much fun, though, and there's not much I would trade for all the people I've met here.
Scratch that, there's nothing I would trade for them. I love these people so much.
I've also learned a lot this semester. First of all, keep your mouth shut. Learn when it's appropriate to talk, and if it's not, shut up. This is a good life rule. Second, opinions are important. Don't keep them to yourself. Third, just go for it. Seriously.

Right now I have an awfully stuffy nose, and it's really no fun travelling with it.

"I know who I want to take me home. Take me home."

Love,
Sarah @)~

Snow

I'm am definitely not the biggest fan of snow. It's cold and wet and when it's snowing, it's cloudy and windy.

~~~

Life's a blur. Like the snow. Life is cold and wet and a lot of the time leaves you feeling like there's no hope. But life is beautiful. Sounds cheesy, I know.
I look around and I find that it's really hard to focus just on one thing. Everything swirls around and I just need to go with it. Or go against it. I don't know about you, but I hate going against the wind in a flurry. The snow never stops moving until it sticks to the ground or a window or something. And until then, you can't really see what the individual snowflakes look like. But then look at a window when it's snowing and you can see the individual flakes pause on glass, suspended in space for a moment, and they're beautiful.

~~~

Something big is about to happen.

Love,
Sarah @)~

I'm all out of words

...
I'll write something when I regain a sense of balance in my life.

Writing Down the Bones

Writing Down the Bones is a book by Natalie Goldberg. I highly recommend it, especially if you want to start writing. It's all about letting go and just writing. No thinking, no processing, no analyzing, just writing. I'm not very good at that, since I'm pretty self-conscious, but I suppose practice makes perfect.

Self-consciousness: undue awareness of oneself.
Undue: unwarranted or inappropriate because excessive or disproportionate
There should always be some self-awareness. Without that, the path to offense and/or embarrassment is wide open. When does it become self-conscious, though? When does it become obsessive and inappropriate? Looking presentable and nice in order to make a good impression is important, but when does dressing appropriately and taking good hygienic care of oneself become vanity?
I consider myself a fairly self-conscious person. I think of what others will think of me and the people around me. Often I find myself wonder "If...then..." and have to remind myself not to over-analyze. It's hard sometimes. I try so hard to be accepted by people. Maybe I shouldn't care so much.

Question - why do dictionary definitions always contain words longer than the word being defined?

Love,
Sarah @)~

Courtesy is key

Sometimes people hold on to bad memories for days, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months, sometimes even for years. But however long you hold on to your bad memory for, why would you make others suffer for it? Yes, someone may have hurt you, but is it so difficult to be courteous and professional when interacting necessarily with them? I understand that you won't walk up to them and ask how their life is going. I know you won't call them up and say, "Hey, just wanted to chat." But is it too difficult to look someone in the eye and at least fake a smile? Is it too much to ask for a simple, "Hello, how are you today?"
Eye contact is polite and should be obligatory. Saying, "D'ya need something?" without so much as a look is not very nice. I'm pretty sure that if you walked up to any average Joe on the street and asked them if they liked people looking at them when they were talking, they'd say that it's at least appreciated.

Faking a smile isn't too hard.

Love,
Sarah @)~

Where did my head go?

I have a tendency to lose my head over little things. Over-thinking is a fault of mine, a huge fault. It makes me go crazy. Sometimes just relaxing and having a day off works miracles. Or sometimes if I talk to someone who does have their head in the right place it'll pull my out of the clouds and put my back on my feet. 

So thanks for putting me back into place. I really appreciate it.

I guess I'll be thinking about this for a while, though. I'll try not to over think this time.

Love,

Sarah @)~

Those days

Ever have those days where all you want to do is curl up in bed under an extremely fluffy comforter and do absolutely nothing? Of course you do. I have those fairly often. Sometimes I just feel like being productive is extremely overrated. However, after I do something, I always feel better about myself; I feel motivated to do other stuff.
But sometimes, you need those days. Sometimes you need a day to do nothing after a big freak out. Post-finals is a pretty good time to do this. I have one exam next week. The grade for the entire class depends on how I do. Yay. After that, we'll have a party. A sleeping party. Well, maybe that'll happen this weekend. Heck yeah, fall break!!
…This post started off fairly well written. The quality has deteriorated significantly. Yeah. I don't care.

I just made pizza. Now I want to sleep. But no, Japanese homework it is.

Love,
Sarah @)~

It's a little sad

I have no confidence. I tell myself to do something. I tell myself I can do something. But then…I don't do it. At the very last second I tell myself I can't do it, so I don't.

Go for the gold. Don't take no for an answer. If you know you can't do it, tell yourself you can. That last push is all it takes to get past the last hurdle.

Love,
Sarah @)~

What's this 'patience' thing?

If you know something is stupid and unwise, you probably shouldn't do it. Right? But for some reason, there's this strong appeal for doing stupid, unwise things. Procrastinating, for example. Stupidest idea ever, yet we do it so much. Maybe it's the instant gratification mindset that our entire population is so infatuated with. We want it now. It makes us feel good now. We may or may not know the consequences, yet we still want it now. We'll settle for less if it gets to us any quicker. Patience and peace are so lost in this world. Waiting is extremely underrated and is associated with anxiety. Calm down, it'll happen. Maybe not now, maybe not this second, but it'll happen.

This week has been too long. It's been pretty taxing on me energy-wise, as well. I'm really looking forward to the weekend. I recently learned how to make Funfetti cookies!! That's definitely going to happen Saturday. Well, if I get to the store.

Love,
Sarah @)~