I need this outlet.

There are going to be a lot of words in this post. I'm sorry in advance. Hopefully you won't regret it if you read the whole thing.

Summer is a blur. When did I stop writing this? The end of April? … Oh, that's probably why. You don't know why. I'll tell you why, in a little bit.

It's almost October. I've been at school for almost a month now and it's the most fun I've ever had. Nothing holding me down. I'm free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. I still study and I'm still a good student, but I want to have fun. I don't want a curfew. I don't want seven consecutive phone calls with the person on the the other side yelling at me to come home. I don't want text messages at two in the morning wondering if I'm okay when all I've been doing is hanging out with some friends at Denny's. I don't want people driving all over the planet to find me. I'm an adult now, it's time I start learning to be one.

Life has been up and down since I left. I'll tell you why I left, now. I don't remember the exact date, but it was around the time I stopped posting on here that I broke off a relationship that had previously lasted a year and a half. My life was almost devoted to this guy. I was hurting other people outside of the relationship by the exclusivity of it. His entire family got involved and it got pretty messy. In the end, we're both out of an emotionally battering relationship and we're both better off. Since then I've gotten my legs back and now I'm fairly healthy regarding matters of the heart. I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship, but I think I am. I could be totally wrong, but for now, that's how I'm feeling.

The friends I've met here are really great. My roommate is possibly the best roommate I could've asked for. I love her, we all do, she's really smart and extremely nice. There's the guys next door and we usually just invade each other's rooms as we please, it's pretty great. There are a few people who come down to chill with us. I guess people like us. There's the guys, for lack of a better name. They were the first people I met at school. Well, one of them, but there are four in the room. They're awesome, too. There's a girl up there, too, who's really chill. Then there are a few more people who I've met at lunch or in class. Classes are going well; they're difficult but not unbearable. All in all, school is pretty great so far.

As for dancing, I'm still doing it, still loving it. I feel like dying whenever there's no ballet. I'm going through some serious show withdrawal right now. I broke down and started sobbing in class today. Oh boy, rehearsals can't start soon enough. Also, did I mention? I'm Clara in the Nutcracker. If you're unfamiliar with the Nutcracker, she's the main character; she's the little girl who gets the Nutcracker and goes on a magical journey, etc. Unfortunately, this knee injury has been catching up with me pretty bad since I'm walking at least a mile every day, if not three. Not helpful. Rehearsals start October tenth, though, so I'm looking forward to that.

Inwardly, my mind is a mess. Today I was thinking about how pretentious I used to be. I try not to come off as a stuck-up prick, but it doesn't work as well as I'd like it to sometimes. I'm mean. I'm rude. I'm selfish. I acknowledge it. I want this mask of "I know better than you, so shut up and listen to me" gone. I don't want the world to be about me. I want to think of others first. I'm going to need some time to work on that. 

Love,

Sarah @)~